Huh.
a wry thought
You just never know what might be playing out behind the scenes.
I'm Houdini and there is. no. key. this. time.
Panic! because
Sometimes I am furious and convinced that I've been wrong all along
Other times, I'm sure that it's all about everyone else's misunderstanding.
Maybe the point at it's crux is that it doesn't actually matter
And in that case, I accept and even embrace the error in my paradigm, and the rest of the world's indifference is not a crime at all.

I brought people together! I thought of others! I set plans in motion! I listened, and I was mostly honest, and I was present,
Yet I feel like I wasted a lot of energy today
With any luck, it'll be one of thousands of days that doesn't make the cut onto my mind's hard drive.
Thank goodness I'm Batman.

Chilly creek flows, placid
Chestnut slicked-back fur surrounds two smaller chestnuts gazing confidently
At the rooty sloped bank
There is nothing to see
And noiselessly
She slips under once more

Summertime makes my feet hard
Dirty
Perpetually covered in a dry film of dust, shower be damned
On this summer night, when all that I have yet to accomplish for the week is to rest
I read this letter that someone handed to me earlier, and muse:
I wish I knew more men who would chance to speak to me in this way
With grungy toes and a face not yet washed of the day's sweat
The bedspread beneath me all but cries out YOU ARE GONNA NEED TO WASH ME SOON
No matter- I am entirely charmed
And I know that I deserve this, and more of this
And then, like a tactless and blunt and out-of-place punchline, I remember
Life is waning.

I

Escaped

The Rain Today

Only By Minutes

And Just By Chance.

Today Was A Day Set

Aside To Celebrate Others

And I’m Learning That I’m Ok

At Celebrating Others, And That

I really Enjoy Tackling The Creative

Challenges That Come With Having

Such an Aim. Joy Is Easily Transferable.

Plan It. Make It. Share It.

Smile for the camera
C'mon, give us a smile
You're prettier when you smile
But grief is tugging hard at the corners of my lips
Walking along falsely through this week
I've watched fifty different people dodge my sorrow in their own ways
It's tiring to drag it along behind me like a runaway's sack of dear and worthless belongings
And then to tug it out of the way to keep it from tripping anyone else
There's no end to this piece
Because the end isn't in sight.

Something happened tonight
The world slowed down
Life changed
One moment, everything's as it was- the next, there's no going back
I find it entirely strange

Impact,
and then like a mushroom cloud after an explosion
New knowledge ballooning out into thought

But... everything is quiet and I don't know what to think
I don't know what's going to happen
To me; more importantly, to you

I think... I think that the sky must be weeping for you
Clouds' tears are pattering gently upon the skylights in my room
The heavens rumble and sob passively

Will you cry, too, tonight? Will you lay in your bed and stare blankly at your ceiling?

There is fear, but there's also a sense of inconvenience
The realization that life is going to get a lot harder

That life is going to have to change entirely
Or that it may end before it gets the chance to.

What am I doing here?

I mean what the FNK am I even doing here?


They talk of their aspirations
Musical exploration
Creative computation, wanting excellence out of this new situation
And I'm in such a different place
Don't even feel ashamed or want to hide my face about it
Because they know it well enough and they ask me to tag along anyhow
Like a baby sister, like some not-quite-hipster
Who sort of gets the look, the style, the rules of the game
But all the same
Can't quite play, has novice aim
Something that more years of experience, practice might tame
Yet it remains
I'm just not there.
I'm the weakest link, a tear
In an astronaut's spacesuit
I'm the leaky pipe, and I think, buoyed by their collective ability
They'll say it's silly of me
But actually it's silly of them
To pretend.