Today I let two statements slip from my mouth

That were spurred directly by my bitterness

I am wretched, and I am undeserving

I am tired and I do not understand most things-

Least of all, I do not know why I am so angry that you agree that I don’t deserve you

there you are

walking to your band practice

it's a balmy tuesday night, and you're ready to make some music

you walk up the stairs to the church, tug open the door

inside the sanctuary, you hear...

PLAYING HIS TROMBONE

(j**** m******)

THERE ALL ALONE

(j**** m******)

SCREWING WITH THE REPERTOIRE

(there he is, there he is, j**** m*******)

WE'RE PLAYING A NEW PART

quiet! quiet!

IT'S ALL ABOUT MY ART!

quiet! quiet!

WHO WILL BE MY PROXY?

GOOGLY EYE SUPERSTAR j**** m******

A curious shadow outlines your chin

No longer does my head rest in its darkness,

And it wont likely again

I do not long for that curve in your neck

Where you would hold me in place as 2am became 3

Only rarely do I ever imagine that I am once more there.

Rather, I can still taste the scent of your hair

As it would blanket my mouth and nose;

You would fall asleep as I stroked locks of dirty gold 

And I would stay awake,

My mind whispering to yours that I was willing to love you

But I didn't love you as much as you deserved.

A bright, pale spider is hanging above

Overseeing my nighttime activity.

Keys click and where there is light, insects creep

I’d rather not think about where the glow dare not reach

Fingers and doorframes are unswollen with the absence of the day’s heat

I am almost comfortable.

Absolute darkness…

Is nowhere to be found, having seemingly retreated 

And now I’m left to another end, anticipating another beginning

Eyes have missed the inside of eyelids all day

And would rather be reunited than scan the blackness existing with-out

My mind would consider many things if it could function

There is no point to this night

But it begs to be recorded

I want flowers.
I want to see flowers on the dining room table, succulents on my dresser
I want to see living flowers, I never want to have to break them down
to size, to fit in our tiny compost bucket
I want to buy them, I want you to pick them for me, I want them to show up mysteriously on my porch
like they have once or twice, my friends gifting me something simple and beautiful and alive
Just because.
I want to smell springtime in my house, in my room
I want a simple gesture of affection
I want brilliant orange and yellow exploding out of green
I wouldn't mind soft pink or sassy magenta, pure white, even purer red
I want flowers.

Detroit Is Empty

I really love you. We're a part of something important.
I think I forgot that.



He said it unbidden, unprompted
And then he left.

I am hanging on the edge of tomorrow

And knowing that you will come.

I have waited this long; I can measure the time by the length of your hair

And how many times I have listened to this cd.

It has been four months since I’ve laid by you

And I’m thankful that our semester together was much longer than our semester apart.

For all the distance and time in the world, you are still now as you were to me when 

I was torn from your grasp in Boston by the traffic director 

With the hard eyes and rough voice.

We have three silver-lined days before you fly out of my life,

Before I know you only through a phone connection.

You are a rarity, a remaining piece of a home I shall never again live in

When bottlecaps and safety pins cease to be enough

Where will I go from there?

Eyelashes bat audibly

Yellow light from the lamp is unimposing and weak

And the staredown continues late into the night

As we decide our futures in a matter of hours

Was it ever meant to happen this way?

Last night I came to see you

On my way, I got lost in the stars

The bolder of which stood brightly unadorned 

By wisps of clouds;

The more timid of which held said thinly-layered puff close

As would a sleeping child hold a blanket up to his chin.

I wished-

But I knew that you would not share this with me.

I remember
We were walking as sisters do
Speaking in gentle tones, letting the end of that summer day caress our bare shoulders
Crossing the street a block from my house
and I told you, with a timid smile on my face, about him.
(Somehow, I'd never directly addressed it before, though I knew that I could tell you anything.)
Your instant reaction was of the sort that is your version of uncontainable excitement and joy
and you told me that the last time you had seen him, the way he had talked of me had impressed upon you
That this man is so deeply and truly in love with this woman, and I don't know if she knows... but it is about to the point where I feel like I need to at least make her aware.
With admiration, with respect, always; but sentiments had peaked at your last meeting.
Everything had changed. Everything had to change. Sometimes the people around us, who love us, see what we do not.
But this time, I could see it too.