Music is healing me
These notes are saving me
This moment is the highlight in a week of cavernous valleys- rays of sun peek playfully at me over the top of an ominous and looming mountain
I've lost five pounds in the last seven days, none of them shed in the name of health
I'll gain them back when I start eating again. Funny how some struggles come around and around, no matter how I grow, no matter how I increase my awareness of my own special recipe for self-destruction
But right now, for the first time in days, I don't feel weak
Headphones hug my ears, my feet slide across the weathered wood floor
Trumpet in hand, I alternate between dancing and trying to reach the pace at which these musical legends groove to.
What about this song- this song in particular- affects me in this way?
It always has (who's to say if it always will)
Heart pulses in time with that tuba,
Butt and back, calf and hamstring muscles contract and relax minutely, keeping my entire self in time to the life of this song as I sit perched on my bed,
Shoulders automatically shimmy slowly, head bumps forward slightly on the one and the three
And I genuinely care nothing about any of the sickening things that have poked at my brain and my heart all week long
I've no choice but to put this song on repeat
I've found a sanctuary
This is rest
This is my blanket fort <3